Exciting New Things!!

I'm super pooped so I'm not gonna write much tonight, but I just wanted to share that I am applying for a teaching position in Tokyo for this fall!! I finally bit the bullet and realized that I don't want to leave Japan just yet, and something needed to be done about it. The company is called Westgate, and they employ 99 teachers each term (fall and spring) in universities and elementary schools. The contract is for 3-6 months, and is renewable. If I get the job, I'll (hopefully) be able to go home for a short break in August, and then return to Japan to start my new contract in September. I think moving to Tokyo would be the best of two worlds-- I'd still be in Japan, allowing me to continue on the path of self-growth and exploration that I started, and to learn more about Japan and its culture, and to visit my current kiddies and friends from time to time (graduation!!). BUT I'd be in Tokyo, which is new and exciting and full of its own set of challenges and adventures. And the contract is considerably shorter, and of course renewable, allowing me greater flexibility. I really think it's a great set-up and opportunity, and I hope I get it!! Keep your fingers crossed for me. :-)

A more detailed post to follow, I promise. おやすみ〜

When I'm Stressed, I Write

I wish I were good at journaling. I wish I were one of those people who loved to write, loved to record all the interesting events in their life, all their thoughts and impressions. Sadly, I'm not. I'm lazy. When I do write, however, is when I'm feeling stressed about something. Which is exactly why this blog had a fair number of entries at the beginning of my stay here in Japan, and now an increasing frequency of posts here at the end. I spent a fair amount of time tonight scheming up ways that I could possibly stay in Japan. Some of my ideas included: 1) Pray that my successor decides not to come, and by luck reclaim the position that is rightfully mine. 2) Ever-so-slightly misinform my successor, so that s/he believes s/he is coming over to a living hell and will thus cancel his/her plans, again allowing me to stay fat and happy here on my throne. 3) Move to Okinawa. This is mostly just an Okinawan joke I like to toss around in my innermost thoughts. It's not serious. But it could be if I wanted it to. The funniest part is that I recently received a proposal, via text message, from one of the guys I met in Okinawa a few months ago. It read, "You will marriagh me!" Stunning. Really, I don't know what I'm doing still sitting here on my butt in Toyama. Give me a ticket for an aeroplane. Ain't got time to take a fast train... Kohei-is-job just wrote me a letter. Text message. Whatever. So that's option number three... Move to Okinawa, marriagh with Kohei, and live the rest of my days helping run his yakisoba shop and giving birth to his large Okinawan babies. Somehow, options 1 and 2 seem more appealing to me...(Did I mention Kohei wants to be cock? Yes, cock. Ok, ok, he meant cook... But I get the feeling it was more a Freudian slip than a spelling error.)

Anyway. As you can see, all my ideas suck, and I'm clearly going to have to return to America, as was originally planned. So, I'll continue with my reflection/processing exercise.

Things I Will Miss About Japan:
2. My friends. I think I got really lucky, getting placed by chance in the same prefecture as all the lovely folks I have come to know. I've met some really wonderful people, and my time here would have been rather dull without them. This obviously is especially in reference to Kelly and Ann, my two favorite Himi-jin and all around best galpals. They understand my quirky, sometimes over-the-edge sense of humor; they listen to me when I need to talk; they love crazy adventures and meeting new Nihonjin as much as I do. They're the icing to my cake, and I guess one good thing about going back to the US is that they'll be there too!! We can commiserate without having to skype long distance when no one we talk to at home understands why we use words like "chotto," "chigau," and "daijoubu." Or when we simply can't speak Engrish. I mean English.

Things I am Looking Forward to Returning to in America:
2. The bee-a-u-tiful weather (specifically, in Hawaii). Living in Japan taught me a lot of things about myself, and one of those things is that cold weather and I don't mix too well. I handled the winter, and because it was my first experience with snow, I even really loved it at times. But then the snow would start to melt and mush with the dirt on the road and people's footsteps would ruin its serene beauty and then it would turn into ice and I'd slip and I hated it. So yeah, I'm looking forward to the picture-perfect climate of that place otherwise known as Paradise. I realized this when I went to Okinawa, and my body began to thaw from its three-month-long ice age. Okinawa smelled like the tropics, looked like the tropics, and most importantly, felt like the tropics. My body was in its zen state. The perfect weather is one aspect of Hawaii that I had seriously taken for granted up until that point. I'm glad I realized how foolish it is to live any place where the word "underwear" is paired with the word "long" for a third of the year. The only way I like my underwear to be is minimal, thank you very much.

My Favorite Memories in Japan:
I'm trying to go somewhat in chronological order here, so that I am less likely to forget something. Memory shout-out number two goes to my first weekend trip with the friends, to Tokyo for Sarah's birthday. It was a three-day weekend, so we were able to get a lot out of it. We went to a beer festival in Yokohama, an awesome club in Shibuya which we stayed at until dawn (no exaggeration), an amaaaazing Sumo tournament, and we stayed at my very first hostel! To be honest, at the time, it was still so damned hot and I was still so unused to Japan that it was all a bit overwhelming. I was having fun, but I was only blindly following the group and pretty much flying by the seat of my pants. At that point, Tokyo still scared me. But, it was a good chance to see that getting away on the weekends was a totally viable and really fun option, and it was the first time that I really started getting to know Sarah, Michael, Katherine, and of course Ann, who at that point I was pretty sure was too much of an independent free-spirit to want to be my friend. Haha. Good thing she proved me wrong... :-) Anyway, yes, Tokyo was a blast, and I'm so glad I'm going back one more time before I go!! Shibuya, here I come. And I'm bringing my lady friends with me. Watch out.

Trying to Beat the Leavin' Blues

So, I'm still having a really tough time with the thought of leaving in just over two months. I counted the days that I have left to teach at my high school: 19. And at my deaf school, only 5. This is pretty much a large-scale tragedy I have on my hands here. I could go into repeated detail about how and why this is basically the end of the world, but instead, I've decided to proactively battle the leaving blues. From now until the time I have to get on that damned plane, every time I write an entry on this blog I will write one thing that I will miss about Japan, and one thing that I am looking forward to having again in America. I realize this plus-one-minus-one approach will not really pull me to either side of the spectrum, but it will at least (hopefully) neutralize my panic and help me to chill the freak out a bit. Here goes:

Things I Will Miss About Japan:
1. MY STUDENTS. This should come as no surprise. Especially my new first years, my English club girls, my deaf kiddies, and (<3<3) Japanese Boy, Googly Eyes Boy, and Baseball Captain-san. They make my day, every day. Today, Japanese Boy came from his classroom to the doorway at the back of my classroom towards the end of 2nd period, and grinned and waved at me, *while* class was still going on and I was teaching about the "not only...but also" sentence pattern! Ha! Warmed my heart right up.

Things I Am Looking Forward to Returning to in America:
1. My parents. I'm not gonna lie, I am not exactly looking forward to having to live at home for an unspecified amount of time, but once I'm settled and on my own (hopefully in Honolulu) it'll be nice to be a bit closer to those two crazy old birds. They can be fun, in moderate doses.

I like this game. A good way to process and reflect on my time here and my time to come... In nice, easy-to-digest amounts.

Actually, I'm not done yet. Let's add one more category:

Favorite Memories in Japan:
1. This might sound strange, but I think my first night in Takaoka was certainly one of my most meaningful memories, if not exactly one of my favorite. I had just eaten dinner by myself in the Gusto diner, and I came back to my empty, hot apartment and laid down on my then-strange tatami mat floor and CRIED and CRIED and CRIED. That was, I think, the worst I'd ever felt in my entire life. Period. So yeah, not exactly a peachykeen memory... But an important one nonetheless, because now, when I look back on that, I can remember how inhumanely shitty I felt, and I can look at all the progress I've made since then, and how far I've come on this journey. Now, I freakin love this place and I don't want to leave! Haha! How do you like them apples? Just goes to show you, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Now, in my future hard times, I can think about my arrival here, and I can remind myself that, despite all the tears and heartache and fear and uncertainty and hatred for life at that moment, things DO get better. That's something we all need to learn for ourselves, and it can only be done the hard way. I'm certainly glad I did it.

Neighborfood

So, I posted this anecdote on facebook awhile back, but I never shared it here:

"I love those special moments in life we have all have from time to time: the ones in which we start to chuckle... and it turns into a giggle... and then we laugh... and then everyone else around us laughs, and at that point we're screwed; it's just a full-fledged attack with no hope for return. I had one such moment today in my favorite third-grade class. It went like this:

Towards the end of the period, a few students went up to the front of the class to write their translation answers on the board, as usual. After they finished, they returned to their seats, and I got ready to correct their responses. Nothing new here. I quickly noticed, however, that the first sentence, which should read, "I often see students shopping at the convenience store in my neighborhood," in fact read, "I often see students shopping at the convenience store in my neighborfood." Neighborfood. It's not that funny. Except that in this particular moment there was nothing funnier to me in all of Japan, in the entire world even. Neighborfood. I lost it, I tell you. My kids were laughing more at me than at the sentence, as tears streamed down my face, and I had to assume a temporary squatting position to attempt to regain my composure (which, of course, failed). My JTE eventually had to erase the word from the board entirely, but at that point it was no use. I'd lost a screw and I'd never get it back. I managed to finish up the class, but just barely. I still had a big grin on my face when I came back to the staffroom... What a great way to end the week.

To the student who wrote "neighborfood": I love you. With all my heart. Thank you."

~~~

That's the neighborfood story. I have two extensions to add: First, I have since read essays containing the similarly modified word "childfood." Haha. Second, since that day, the students in that particular homeroom grin wildly and say "neighborfood!" every time they see me. :-) (Of course, I start thinking about the original neighborfood incident and start cracking up all over again.) Like today, in class, I was trying to make an announcement for the upcoming charity show, and one of my FAVORITIST boys ("I am: Japanese Boy!!") grins at me from the second row and says, quietly at first, "neighborfood." Then louder, "Neighborfood!" Then of course, the whole class breaks into "Neighborfood!! Neighborfood!!" Hahaha oh man I love these kids SO much; honestly, the fact that we have gotten to the point of intercultural/interlinguistic joking just makes my heart sing. Anyway. Class continues, and they write their sentences on the board again. Lo and behold, this week's translations also include a neighborhood reference. Only this time around, the student blessed with writing that particular sentence decides to be clever, and she writes "neighborfood" with the F in bright pink!! So I play the whole thing up, saying, "Hmm, something's wrong here... What is it..? Can anyone tell me?" And the kids play along, "guessing" mistakes that aren't really mistakes. Then BAM I shout "OHMYGOSH you wrote neighborfood!!!" and fling my textbook aside in feigned shock. The kids went WILD!! They were laughing and hooting and hollering and clapping their hands like there was no tomorrow!! I felt like a regular Robin Williams at a stand-up event. <3

Have I mentioned I'm on the same sports day team ("Red Team!!") with these awesome kiddos?!?!? Yes. It's true. My life really is that amazing. Jealous yet?

Holy Cow

So I'm sitting in my living room/kitchen area, finishing my dinner and listening to some newly purchased music (namely, Jason Castro's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, haha), and I just realized-- after I leave this place in August, I am probably NEVER going to see Takaoka again. !!! This struck me as incredibly sad, and I started crying right then and there. Up to this point in my life, I've always said goodbye to people and places with the probability of seeing said people and places again softening the blow. But this? Leaving Japan? Ok, maybe I'll come back to Japan on a vacation someday, to travel to places I never got to this time around. But I'll never see the inside of my apartment again. MY apartment, my very first that I made into my little home! Even if I were to see it, it wouldn't be mine anymore. It will belong to whomever follows after me, and it will be decorated in their taste and cluttered with their belongings. And really, not seeing my apartment again is the least of it. I'll never ride my red bicycle to the grocery store again, or to Aeon, or to the station to take the train to Toyama or Himi or wherever. I'll never again pass by Hard Off, with their awful MIDI-type welcome music blaring at the door. I'll never hear a hearty "Irasshaimase!" when I enter a store. I'll never see these rice paddies again, and hear the croaking frogs and chirping crickets at night as I coast down the deserted highway to my apartment late at night. And, worst of all, far above and beyond the loss I feel when I think about all the things I just listed and others like them, is the loss I will feel when I say goodbye to my schools for the last time. I really just don't even want to think about it. Everyone has been so incredibly kind to me, and I feel like I've finally just really become comfortable with my students, and they with me-- both on an educational level, and a personal level. I get incredibly jealous thinking about my successor, who will spend the next year (or more) teaching MY kids, and going to MY school festival, and even grading MY piles of awful, awful essays. Will he or she appreciate it like I do? Will he or she try as hard, really make a solid effort for the kids? I shouldn't judge this person before I even know who he is. But I can't help it! They are taking over my life, and my life will become theirs, and it will no longer be mine in any way, shape or form. Everything here will go on in the same way, except without me in it. Isn't that crazy? I guess that's true of any place when someone leaves it-- high school, college, etc. But like I said before, I can visit my high school and college pretty much any time I choose to, providing I have the means and time. But coming back to Takaoka? Pretty soon this place will live only in my memory, and I can only hope I've made enough of an impression to remain in my kids' memories. Anyway. The whole thing's incredibly bizarre, and I think it's only going to get weirder and sadder from this point out. No. That's a pessimistic way to look at it. Of course it's going to be amazing for these last two months; I wouldn't expect any less. But that final day, when I get on that plane with a one-way ticket and no return in sight... THAT will be sad. And weird. I guess I should just focus on the positive-- that I got to have this amazing year here, full of adventures and wonderful people and invaluable personal growth. So, yes. Let's focus on the positive. Starting now. Sigh.